first post here

I need a place where I can just spill it.  I have a couple of blogs that I keep up with.  One is my family blog.  The other is my Bible School blog.  Neither one is low-key enough for me to just say whatever I wanna say.  The Bible School blog as supposed to be that, but it's not really.  I made the mistake of giving it to one person and then that friendship blew up.  I have no idea if she still reads it or not, but I can't talk openly there about anything because of that.  Maybe I shouldn't really even talk openly about things.  I don't know, but I currently don't have a good girlfriend to chat with about anything, so I'll just post everything on the internet.  That makes perfect sense, doesn't it?  Not that I think anybody will ever really read this unless they accidentally stumble across it, but that's ok.  My husband isn't an awesome place to chat either because, well, he's a he.  I chat with him all the time, but he's still a he.  Girls like to talk to girls.  I had a really awesome friend, but she's gotten herself to a place that I can't tag along with her.  I feel like God has pulled back the curtain on her for me to really see who she is.  The Holy Spirit is the only person who can do that in a non-condemning way.  I don't condemn her.  I love her, but He showed me some roots in her that need to be dealt with.  I can't be involved in the dealing.  I am too close to her, and was buffering some things that need to happen.  If you love somebody, when they make bad choices that are educated choices, and still choose to make bad choices, you really have to let them make them and then not stand in the way of the consequences.  I believe God showed me this about her to get me out of the way so he could work on her.  Of course, you can't explain that to anybody really, so it just makes me look like I'm a high-and-mighty Bible thumper, even though I have said nothing at all about anything to really anybody at all.  I mean, I have spoken to our pastor about it because he is also her counselor and I've been invited to be apart of that counseling.  I have not been ugly, but we were always together and now we're not.  I don't know what she's said, but I know it's something because nobody is even asking me about anything.  I'm good with that, though, because I don't wanna be put in a spot to discuss it or anything else with anybody.  Phew.  Anyway...it's so hard to say something like all this and really get the point across.  I'm not sad, hurt or upset.  Just lonely a bit.  But I also understand that with being called out, we are being consecrated and things never stay the same when that happens.  I am counting the cost and where we're headed is still worth it.  I love the Lord with everything I have.  I just wanna be close to Him.