Tough ride home

God has been speaking to me alot about getting things in order and walking in unity.  The walking in unity part has been something David's been hearing alot of lately.

Today, I ended up in night school because Joshua decided to puke all over the daycare's trash can yesterday.  Since they saw it and they have a 24 hour can't come back rule, I needed to stay with him this morning.

On our way home, we were talking about our finances and how to get them in order.  We both understand that we need to be in unity and we need the Holy Spirit to give us a method to handle it.  We were talking about the fact that we both have "hot buttons" with the other one.  Those weren't really the words we used to describe it, but same thing.  For example - I am afraid to approach him on certain subjects because some things just make him shut down and then there's no talking to him.  He is sensitive about certain things because he automatically interprets me as berating him or cutting him down, so he shuts down.  Since we've both been on an ugly end of these situations, there's really no handling it easily.  We both decided and discussed that we just need to understand that we're not in that place now.  Our finances are bigger than either one of our feelings and we need to just handle it.  That was a really good conversation.  Now we just need to get it going, and we will.

Anyways, the tough part...

David has a pet peeve of being interrupted.  It's so hard for me.  I don't intentionally interrupt him.  I never do.  In fact, I try so hard to be careful not to.  Sometimes, though, when we get a good discussion going, I get enthusiastic and it just pops out.  I immediately feel horrible as soon as I hear him just shut down and go silent. 

The hard part was that I just miss Dena so much when that happened.  We never, ever had that problem.  I could just turn off my worries and talk.  I can't do that with David.  David is literally my absolute favorite person to talk to, but I can't just talk without having to filter every single word that comes out of my mouth.  This is probably selfish, but it hurts that he can't just try to understand that and meet me in the middle. 

Two Sophomores and a Pre-K-er

That's what I'll have tomorrow.  Well, the Pre-K-er won't start until the day after Labor Day, but he's pretty sure he already has a school.  He's pretty excited.  And cute.  And excited.

I think Cody might be a teensy bit regretful of his decision not to play football.  I hate it or him.  I know he's going to be sad about feeling left out of all of it.  He is standing by his decision and claiming he is ok with it all.  I'm thinking he's ok right now, but it won't be easy for him when things get a bit more in full swing. 

But Jacob and football are getting along really nicely.  He is shining on the field.  I couldn't be more proud of him.  Awesome player.  And hasn't played since 5th grade.  The coaches have been singing his praises.  I thought he might have been exaggerating a bit, but he got 5 sacks in the first scrimmage they played and played really, really well in the second.  I'm not sure of the stats of that game, but he did really well.  They have not made a decision as to whether or not he'll be on Varsity, but he works out with JV and V and has played in both for both scrimmages.  Hopefully they'll just move him up to V and that'll be that.  He really does shine.  I am excited for him. 

Changing lanes...

God gives me visions - just little things that I see in the Spirit briefly.  Sometimes a bit longer in some visions than others, and not every day.  I've blogged most of them on the Adventures in Bible School blog.  A couple of weekends ago, when we went to Matthew's house for the worship thingy, God gave me a beautiful one of Joshua.  I was watching him sitting at a table just playing with his hands.  He was being so good, being the only little guy at the thing.  All of a sudden, I saw his hands as a grown man's hands.  He was laying his hands on people's heads and healing/praying for them.  It was amazing and beautiful.  I love it when I see things like that.  It's so wonderful. 

Changing lanes again...

I met with Pastor Terry about Dena the other day.  He gave me some sound advise and helped me see some wisdom in the steps I need to take with her.  I am planning to go out to dinner with her as soon as our schedules can mesh and we can get it done.  We'll see how it all goes.

Stuff

Jubilee was amazing!  I so loved it.  Lately, the Lord has impressing "connect" on my heart.  In a huge way.  Also, "network", "get involved". 

We started attending a cell group.  Well, I say started attending...really, we've been a whole one time so far.  We will go again, though - this Friday coming up.  It is at James' and Rose's house.  It's interesting that we've connected with them.  And it's such a good connection.  I look forward to church tomorrow morning.  I'm running Wings and Rose is doing EasyWorship.  It'll be nice.

We also seem to be connecting to Terri and Jimmy.  And they are such a neat family!  I can't wait to get to know them better. 

I also spoke to Jasmine about girls' group.  She said I'm always invited and she would be sure I knew when and where they were getting together this week.  I'm so happy to know that Victory is really my family. 

One of the speakers this week spoke of fishing from "your own boat".  It really struck a chord in me and I'm still chewing on it.  I mean, there are so many different layers and dimensions to that.  I should be doing what God created me to do (my own boat).  I shouldn't be patterning anything after anybody else.  I should be cultivating relationships of my own - not just from the friend who brought me to church there.  Anyway - as I gain revelation on it and walk in it, I will see some amazing things.  I will connect, network and get involved!  There's just so much there.

We went to a worship thing at Matthew's house tonight.  I so wanted to meet his mom and she's just precious.  I can easily see that she and I could be friends.  I had mentioned to Matthew that I wanted to meet her because she had pulled off a successful blended family.  I'm thankful for the Lord bringing people into my life who have walked where I am in a fashion.  I don't know many, but there seem to be more and more healthy families coming across our path. 

Some Stuff...

So, my friend came over today to get some of her stuff.  She is having a garage sale.  It was a bit awkward.  We had been storing it for her.  Our friendship is not what it used to be.  To sum it up - she's living a very single lifestyle and I'm not.  I am not being judgmental or condemning.  I just know that the Holy Spirit told me to take my hands out of it all.  So I did.  And it's ok.  It's not even really hard - I mean, I have peace about it all.

Jubilee started today!  Yay!  I'm so super excited!  Our lives are now kinda' measured from Jubilee to Jubilee.  God used it to call us two years ago, then used it to radically change our lives last year.  I can't wait to see what He has planned for us this year!  So exciting!

The only kid we have right now is Josh.  Mom and Dad have Jake on vacation and Cody is in San Antonio.  At this moment, I don't miss them, but I'm sure I will soon.  Jake will be home Friday evening sometime, and Cody won't be back until time for school to start.

Speaking of school - I can't wait for ours to start!  I miss it so very much.  I am looking forward to the changes in my own heart, but I'm really looking forward to seeing the transformation in a new group of students.  It's going to be fun to see who ends up in our school that may have done the first year online or at their church. 

first post here

I need a place where I can just spill it.  I have a couple of blogs that I keep up with.  One is my family blog.  The other is my Bible School blog.  Neither one is low-key enough for me to just say whatever I wanna say.  The Bible School blog as supposed to be that, but it's not really.  I made the mistake of giving it to one person and then that friendship blew up.  I have no idea if she still reads it or not, but I can't talk openly there about anything because of that.  Maybe I shouldn't really even talk openly about things.  I don't know, but I currently don't have a good girlfriend to chat with about anything, so I'll just post everything on the internet.  That makes perfect sense, doesn't it?  Not that I think anybody will ever really read this unless they accidentally stumble across it, but that's ok.  My husband isn't an awesome place to chat either because, well, he's a he.  I chat with him all the time, but he's still a he.  Girls like to talk to girls.  I had a really awesome friend, but she's gotten herself to a place that I can't tag along with her.  I feel like God has pulled back the curtain on her for me to really see who she is.  The Holy Spirit is the only person who can do that in a non-condemning way.  I don't condemn her.  I love her, but He showed me some roots in her that need to be dealt with.  I can't be involved in the dealing.  I am too close to her, and was buffering some things that need to happen.  If you love somebody, when they make bad choices that are educated choices, and still choose to make bad choices, you really have to let them make them and then not stand in the way of the consequences.  I believe God showed me this about her to get me out of the way so he could work on her.  Of course, you can't explain that to anybody really, so it just makes me look like I'm a high-and-mighty Bible thumper, even though I have said nothing at all about anything to really anybody at all.  I mean, I have spoken to our pastor about it because he is also her counselor and I've been invited to be apart of that counseling.  I have not been ugly, but we were always together and now we're not.  I don't know what she's said, but I know it's something because nobody is even asking me about anything.  I'm good with that, though, because I don't wanna be put in a spot to discuss it or anything else with anybody.  Phew.  Anyway...it's so hard to say something like all this and really get the point across.  I'm not sad, hurt or upset.  Just lonely a bit.  But I also understand that with being called out, we are being consecrated and things never stay the same when that happens.  I am counting the cost and where we're headed is still worth it.  I love the Lord with everything I have.  I just wanna be close to Him.