Ugh.

I am so tired of Cody's attitude.  I just cannot understand why he is like he is.  It is infuriating.  I can't even put it into words.

I saw on his Facebook where he was discussing with his mother about moving back down there.  She is dangling a new house and music oriented school in front of him.  He told her he would talk to us about it but hasn't yet.  I believe if he goes it will be pretty-much a huge mistake.  He has no idea what he would be getting in to.  And Emily.  It would totally mess things up for her.  Josh wouldn't be near as close to him.  He just has no idea.  I'm thinking, though, that since he hasn't brought it up to us, he may have not decided to go.  Jacob said he spoke to him about it and all he could really do was stay neutral.  Jacob is a good kid to do that.  

Sometimes I daydream about only having Josh and Jacob here.  I know that's selfish and not what I really want.  I usually squash them pretty quick when I start down that path.  I know the dangers of renewing my mind to a way of thinking.  I know it would be horrible for both of them, and especially David.  It would be basically sending them to their destruction.  And I do love them.  It is so very hard to walk this out.  So hard.  And I have nobody to talk with about it.  It just comes out as frustrated griping.  And I don't feel like anybody really even cares.

Their mother called me the other day to ask what had happened with Emily going to the hospital this weekend.  I told her about it and all that had occurred in a little more detail.  She asked me if they were going to do any psychological testing on her.  I very nearly came through the phone.  It makes me so angry that she wants a label for her.  I told her that there is nothing wrong with Emily.  She was having a temper tantrum because she didn't get her way and that was the truth of it.  She was testing boundaries and trying to manipulate and at her age can go to quite the extremes.  As we have been seeing.  But it boils down to no more than a temper tantrum.  Truly and honestly.  And I do believe she has some issues to work through.  So do I.  So does everybody.  Emily hasn't been given firm boundaries to operate within and now that she has them, she has to test them.  And she is.  That's the bottom line.  Her mother was silent after that.  I don't think that's the end of that conversation, though.  It is not the first time she's asked about that. Or the second, third, fourth or countless more.